Mary W. Temke Ph.D.

Original fact sheet developed by Mary W. Temke, Extension Human Development Specialist,

When parents begin to date, children may feel that parents are betraying their former spouse, or they may feel insecure about their own place in their parent's affections, according to Mary W. Temke, Ph.D., a human development specialist at the University of New Hampshire's Cooperative Extension, Durham, N.H.

"Some children may feel their security is threatened when their parents begin to date," Temke said."They wonder if they'll still be loved and wanted if their parents find new companions."

Temke suggests that parents prepare children before introducing any new dates by explaining that while you still love them unconditionally, you are going to spending some time with new friends.In addition, parents may want to think carefully before displaying physical affection with a date.

" Children may feel uncomfortable with physical displays of affection," Temke said."Older school age children and teens are attempting to cope with their own emerging sexuality.They may feel jealous, confused, angry, or frustrated if they must deal with their parent's sexuality as well as their own."

Finally, remember that if you begin a new relationship that doesn't last, children may experience hurt just like you do.

"When a dating relationship ends, children may feel the loss as well," Temke said."Also, children tend to believe that things happen because of what they do.Therefore, they may feel responsible for the end of your relationship, even when they are not."

Use the links and resources at ivillage.com to further explore dating issues that arise after divorce.

The WomansDivorce.com website offers suggestions for women who are ready to begin dating again.

Single Parenting, Mary W. Temke, Ph.D., Extension Specialist, Human Development

"From the standpoint of brain development, we know that the early years of a child's life are really crucial in terms of preparing the child for the rest of his life, let alone the beginning of school," says Mary Temke, Ph.D., an extension specialist in human development."The child needs to be stimulated and have as rich an environment as possible," she recommends.

However, the mental calisthenics you choose for your youngster must be age-appropriate and fun.Overdoing early education can lead to discouragement and to negative feelings about school."If children are expected to do too many activities, ones not geared to their developmental stage or ones they're not interested in, they will become stressed and their behavior will mirror that," cautions Temke.Warning signs of stress include eating problems, sleep disturbances, crankiness, aggressiveness, withdrawal and regressive behavior.

The perfect combination of play and learning differs from child to child.
...
"A quality preschool program can contribute to their success in school and to their language development, as well as their ability to cooperate and share," says Temke.

Children who don't attend preschool can acquire those same skills by attending playgroups and by taking regular visits to educational, fun places like a zoo, library or kid-friendly museum.Age-appropriate board games and simple craft projects are other terrific ways to mix learning and fun.

4. Build a nurturing nest

Home should not only be a place where basic needs are met, but one where a child feels loved, respected and safe.
...
In a nurturing home, there must be plenty of positive interaction between adults and children, as well as age-appropriate discipline and limits that exist for the child's benefit, says Temke.As children become more independent, the nurturing must extend beyond the walls of home, as well.
...
Temke suggests exchanging messages recorded on cassettes or videotapes, and filling "memory boxes" with tokens from daily life.The boxes can be explored when the family is reunited.

Children raised in nurturing surroundings radiate self-esteem as they grow."They tend to be happier, friendlier, more secure, more self-reliant and more responsible," says Temke."They also demonstrate more independent behavior and have more control over themselves," she comments.Plus, memories of a loving home are cherished for a lifetime.

From the standpoint of brain development , we know that the early years of a child's life are really crucial in terms of preparing the child for the rest of his life , let alone the beginning of school , says Mary Temke , Ph.D. , extension specialist in human development for the University of New Hampshire Cooperative Extension and faculty member in the department of Family Studies within the School of Health and Human Services at UNH.The child needs to be stimulated and have as rich an environment as possible , she recommends.

However , the mental calisthenics you choose for your youngster must be age-appropriate and fun.Overdoing early education can lead to discouragement and to negative feelings about school.If children are expected to do too many activities , ones not geared to their developmental stage , or ones they're not interested in , they will become stressed and their behavior will mirror that , cautions Temke.Warning signs of stress include : eating problems , sleep disturbances , crankiness , aggressiveness , withdrawal and regressive behavior.

The perfect combination of play and learning differs from child to child.
...
A quality preschool program can contribute to their success in school and to their language development , as well as their ability to cooperate and share , says Temke.

Children who don't attend preschool can acquire those same skills by attending playgroups and by taking regular visits to educational , fun places like a zoo , library or kid-friendly museum.Age-appropriate board games and simple craft projects are other terrific ways to mix learning and fun.

...
In a nurturing home , there must be plenty of positive interaction between adults and children , as well as age-appropriate discipline , and limits that exist for the child's benefit , says Temke.As children become more independent , the nurturing must extend beyond the walls of home , as well.Be involved in everything that they do , advises Debi McGivern of Merrimack , NH , mother to three biological children and one foster child , now all well-adjusted , successful young adults.When the kids were little , our life truly did center around our children and it continues to.Even as the kids got older , we made sure they were part of what they were into and that we understood it , she says.

Parents who spend a lot of time away from their preschooler can still be actively involved in the nurturing process.
...
Temke suggests exchanging messages recorded on cassettes or videotapes , and filling memory boxes with tokens from daily life.The boxes can be explored when the family is reunited.Children raised in nurturing surroundings radiate self-esteem as they grow.They tend to be happier , friendlier , more secure , more self-reliant and more responsible , says Temke.They also demonstrate more independent behavior and have more control over themselves , she comments.And memories of a loving home are cherished for a lifetime.Our [ present ] home has always been a safe haven and a welcoming place , says McGivern.Growing up , my home was too , and that was something for which I was grateful.I knew I could always go home , and that's the way it is here..

Find the time to incorporate these four action steps into your preschooler's life and you will give your child a lasting gift.

"From the standpoint of brain development, we know that the early years of a child's life are really crucial in terms of preparing the child for the rest of his life, let alone the beginning of school," says Mary Temke, Ph.D., an extension specialist in human development."The child needs to be stimulated and have as rich an environment as possible," she recommends.

However, the mental calisthenics you choose for your youngster must be age-appropriate and fun.Overdoing early education can lead to discouragement and to negative feelings about school."If children are expected to do too many activities, ones not geared to their developmental stage or ones they're not interested in, they will become stressed and their behavior will mirror that," cautions Temke.
...
"A quality preschool program can contribute to their success in school and to their language development, as well as their ability to cooperate and share," says Temke.
...
In a nurturing home, there must be plenty of positive interaction between adults and children, as well as age-appropriate discipline and limits that exist for the child's benefit, says Temke.
...
Temke suggests exchanging messages recorded on cassettes or videotapes, and filling "memory boxes" with tokens from daily life.The boxes can be explored when the family is reunited.

Children raised in nurturing surroundings radiate self-esteem as they grow."They tend to be happier, friendlier, more secure, more self-reliant and more responsible," says Temke."They also demonstrate more independent behavior and have more control over themselves," she comments.Plus, memories of a loving home are cherished for a lifetime.

(Mary W. Temke, University of New Hampshire)

By MARY W. TEMKE, Ph.DExtension Specialist, Human Development, UNH Cooperative Extension

There is no easy answer to this question, but we're reprinting a helpful article written by Mary W. Temke, Ph.D. Extension Specialist, Human Development, UNH Cooperative Extension.