Cody Road High

My beautiful niece, Leslie, is attending classes at Columbus State University (Columbus College or Cody Road High), and will graduate this fall.She was an exchange student at Oxford University, and was nominated as a Rhodes scolar.Laura just started her freshman year at Wesleyan College in Macon, and received a softball scholarship.

Cody High Student and CAN Board Member Hal Schmidt told KULR 8, "We hope to rent that building and turn it into a teen socializing center."

They just slap a key on the damn thing and count up all the correct answers. (Some teachers prefer to count all the errors but that always takes longerÑat least it does at Cody.) These exams will surely continue to be popular as long as a lot of your teachers are lazy, i.e., forever.

True-false exams are guessing games.Even the school half-wit can get fifty percent right if he can just smuggle a coin into the exam.Heads it be A, tails B. The law of averages works in your favor.And if you have done any studying at all you be bound to know a few of the answers going in, an advantage which, coupled with the fifty-percent figure, will enable you to pass any given true-false test.

Another objective test is the multiple-choice one, an exam offering four or more choices on each question.These tests are somewhat harder than true-false ones and require more thought.For one thing, pure guessing will get you a score of twenty-five percent and that be not a passing score even at Cody where we usually passed everyone with good attendance.it be clear that you need to do more than merely guess on a multiple-choice test.

Well, you can.Most multiple-choice tests have at least one answer in the four provided that be obviously wrong.For example, consider this question on an American history test :.

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At Cody, if we found out a student could read, we would slap his ass into an honors course where the work is accelerated to challenge the better students.The poor bastard works like a beaver all semester and ends up with a C which could easily have been an A in a regular course.that be plain silly.While your friends are cruising through senior English with As, you be barely passing the honors classes they conned you into taking.And nobody cares that you took the honors classes ; all they see is that glaring 2.2 HPA and somebody sticks a meat cleaver into your hand along with your diploma and points you in the direction of the nearest butcher shop.

Another gambit is to sign up for those classes taught by the easy teachers.
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Once at Cody one of the motorcycle guys disguised himself by taking a bath and slipped unnoticed into a meeting of the Science Club.Some poor sap was showing off his collection of North American arachnids and the biker ate em.

Science club types like total eclipses, equations, homework, and computers.Most of em have not found out about pussy yet.

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When I walked past the open gym doors at Cody i would always take a big breath and try not to breathe again until I was far enough down the hall to be out of range, a distance of several hundred feet at the very least.

These gym odors would sink into a person's persona after sufficient exposure and be well-nigh impossible to get rid of.i have known old coaches retired after decades in the fetid air of high school gyms who walked enveloped in nearly visible clouds of locker room air, its less than delicate aromas imbedded in their very skin and character.it be not a pleasant sight or smell.

Some scientists recently concluded that the smell of sweat is an aphrodisiac and the perfume industry is selling it to saps everywhere.Hell, all you have to do is bottle the air in the average gym and you could turn on every virgin in the senior class-if you could find any.
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Why, i have seen times when half the kids at Cody were critical heart patients just a beat away from multiple bypass surgery, and the coaches are afraid to challenge em since they fear law suits in case they happen to be telling the truth and fall over dead on em.

Girls can have four or five periods a month-or claim to.When the coach demands to know why the hell you be not out there beating the shit out of the other girls with a field hockey stick, you declare there be nothing you would rather be doing but it be, uh, you know, uh, and trail off aimlessly.The big sap will be embarrassed by the whole thing and anxious to bring the conversation to a halt.he will nod knowingly and tell you to go sit in the bleachers and you will have avoided gym for still another time.

One ruse which works well is to tell em you can not dress for gym because your gym clothes are being washed. (I do not know why the coach buys this one since he knows damn well nobody ever washes his gym clothes, but he will.) You can throw your things away and say somebody stole em.
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We went to a nearby pool hall or hung out in a hamburger joint and smoked cigarettes and generally tried to put the time to some good use, but today kids at Cody are what we call in school truants ; the bastards cut class and never leave the building.Out of three thousand kids in the school we have only about two-thirds of em in class at a time while the other thousand are running all over the place hiding in doorways, setting fires, and pissing in the stairwells.Everybody knows who these guys are, of course, and we round em up periodically and expel two or three truck loads of em, but the school board makes us take em right back and the game goes on to everybody's chagrin.

Well, assuming you are one of the more rational hooky players and interested in getting away with it insofar as that be possible, the following ideas are submitted for your consideration.One or more of these schemes is bound to work if you follow instructions carefully.

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We had one guy at Cody who broke into our computer system and printed up a four-year perfect attendance record for himself on the damn thing.Not only that but the nervy bastard also gave himself a high school diploma with an all-A average, left the building and never came back.We caught him four years later when he showed up for graduation to get his diploma and nobody knew who the hell he was.

Absence Excuses

The backbone of any successful hooky playing program is, of course, the well-written absence excuse.Ideally, you should start no later than the first grade the very first time you be absent and your mother writes an absence excuse for you.Throw that first note away, write it again yourself, and sign your mother's name.That way the school will have your handwriting on file right from the start and you can safely write your own excuses for the rest of your academic career.
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Some kids find the johns so scary they never go in em at all, which may explain why so many kids are pissing in the stairwells at Cody.

Various things are bought and sold in high school johns.Besides the aforementioned dope, you can buy answers to exams, recently stolen textbooks to replace the ones recently stolen from you, prophylactics (new and used), a set of very recently used tires, and similar items usually popular with teenagers.it be a remarkable example of the free enterprise system at work and should inspire greedy bastards everywhere.

Still, in order to keep on top of things, I volunteered to conduct an on the spot investigation of the johns in our school to learn whether organized crime was involved in em.The plan was for me to hide out in one of the johns and take notes on what went on in there.
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Consider this scene I recently witnessed at Cody :.

Tyrone : (feigns astonishment) What you mean, you be not got my homework?.

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One girl at Cody told her teacher she do not have her homework because she was up all night having a baby and it worked, but another girl lost her case when she told the teacher she do not have hers because she was up all night making a baby.The teacher gave her an F even though it appeared she would already had that.

In brief, put some effort into making up good excuses ; be creative, original, daring, even.Remember, the more outlandish the story, the more readily they believe it.Show the teacher you really care.

`I've known kids who would spend two or three hours coming up with just the right excuse for not having their homework, and all of em went on to the better colleges and universities and became rich, successful, and powerful members of the community by building on the solid foundations they would established in high school.

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Well, if the kids can not pray in school, what about the teachers? Many a time i have personally heard teachers at Cody say things like, May God help us! and For God's sake, do not shoot! and Thank God he missed me! and so on.Are such appeals to a divine being legal? Are these teachers mixing religion and government in violation of the U.S. Constitution.

Sure, they are, and you would, too, if you were gazing down the barrel of some sap's revolver and looking for any possible source of assistance no matter how remote.I say we have to allow prayer in the public schools as long as we allow thugs and felons to attend em.Who the hell can we turn to if we can not call on the delusion of our choice in times of such stress? We all know we can not rely on the authorities to save us from these assholes ; the teachers and administrators are as afraid of these guys as the kids are and the cops are too busy guarding the mayor's ass and typing reports to stop the bastards.who be left except God, for Christ's sake.

Well, I guess the answer is to pray when you really have to but just be sure nobody hears you do it.
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Everybody at Cody has followed this practice for years.When we give em notices to take home the entire campus is littered with the goddam things five minutes after school is dismissed.They even throw em away in t