Roger Croteau

The couple, Steven Lofton and Roger Croteau, are at the center of a federal case challenging the only state law that specifically prohibits homosexuals from adopting foster children.
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But for Lofton and Croteau, two pediatric nurses raising four foster sons and a daughter, this is no media event.
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"This isn't about Steve and myself and gay rights," Roger Croteau says quietly.
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There were so many "boarder babies" that Croteau frequently cared for sick infants whose bassinets were in the hallway.

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Lofton and Croteau, longtime partners, expected to take ill infants home and make them comfortable until they died.
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Lofton and Croteau, 46, together since they had met in nursing school in California 15 years ago, were considered exemplary foster parents.
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In 1998, the Children's Home Society gave Lofton and Croteau the organization's first annual foster parent award -- and named the award after them.
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Both men are certified in AIDS treatment and Croteau helped establish a day care and shelter for HIV-positive children.

The couple loved Miami but found it increasingly dangerous and difficult to raise children there.They decided to move to Oregon near Lofton's parents, who live on the coast.

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Lofton stays home and Croteau works in the pediatric infectious diseases department of Oregon Health & Science University.
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Croteau would rather talk about his big news -- that he raised $10,000 to help take teens with HIV on a raft trip down the Rogue River.

Still, the ever-present concern is the fate of Bert -- what Croteau calls "the little time bomb that ticks."

Bert comes into the living room as he speaks, wanting Croteau to help with math and reading.There is dinner to get on the table.There is a skateboard ramp to construct.

"When you're busy," Croteau says of the time bomb, "you can hardly hear it."

For one, Bert and his siblings have two daddies -- Lofton and Roger Croteau, gay men in their mid-40s who have been together since 1984.And when the neighbors dropped by recently, they didn't want to borrow a cup of sugar."They needed some Norvir," Lofton says.But the HIV meds aren't for Lofton and Croteau, who escaped their generation's viral genocide.They're for Bert's siblings -- Frank, 14; Tracy, 14; Wayne, 8; and Ernie, 5 -- each of whom was infected at birth.
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With the blessing of the state of Florida, Croteau and Lofton have been parenting Bert, Frank and Tracy since they were infants.
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Since then, Lofton and Croteau have received hundreds of letters of support. (To read more about the case, including court documents, or to contact Florida officials with your own opinion, visit www.lethimstay.com).

Bert himself knows very little of the controversy swirling around him. (Lofton and Croteau agreed to talk to POZ on the condition that the children not be interviewed.) His parents have told him only that they are suing to be able to legally adopt him -- as if it were a mere matter of semantics."It's wrong to tell any child that something more powerful than us could come into our house and take him away," Lofton says firmly.And imagine if Bert could grasp the whole, surreal truth: that if he were HIV positive, the state would leave the family in peace.
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Lofton and Croteau never set out to spearhead a gay-rights crusade.When they met 18 years ago in a California nursing school ("in Bedpan 101," Lofton says), playing Mother Goose was the last thing on their minds.The couple moved in the mid-'80s to the gay resort of South Beach, Florida."We were typical homos," recalls Croteau, the family breadwinner, who still puts in long hours as a nurse in pediatric immunology at Oregon Health and Science University."Both working.Disposable income.
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"If you have a baby die in your arms, you realize that life's too short not to do something," Croteau says.
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Lofton and Croteau have also had to deal with the problems and prejudice that come with being such an "alternative" family.Once on a school field trip, Lofton handed Frank his syringe to take his AZT.Witnessing this, another parent freaked out, withdrew her child from the school and began stirring up trouble.
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They dressed up and had all their wigs and all their dolls," Croteau says.Ginger's death made her survivors' sense of mortality all too sharp.
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"Bert sometimes felt a little odd, especially at medication time," Croteau says.
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"He's mature for 14," Croteau says.
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"Tracy had been brought to the hospital many times for different illnesses, and no one would visit," Croteau says.Today, Tracy is in seventh grade and "high maintenance," he says."She's somewhat moody.She has a learning disability.The other side is, she's got a great personality and a lot of friends."

Four years ago, the family left Florida for Portland to be near Lofton's parents.Croteau changed jobs, while Lofton continued as an overtime parent.
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Ernie is now a high-energy 5, "one of the most talkative kids we've had," Croteau says.Towheaded Wayne, in second grade, is reading at a fourth-grade level.But Wayne has also been the couple's most challenging child, because he's the only one they've brought home when he wasn't a baby.
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"She comes to Roger for parenting advice and to discuss behavioral issues.
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We're not going to give him up because of some legislative act based on bigotry," Croteau says flatly.

For one, Bert and his siblings have two daddies -- Lofton and Roger Croteau, gay men in their mid-40s who have been together since 1984.And when the neighbors dropped by recently, they didn't want to borrow a cup of sugar."They needed some Norvir," Lofton says.But the HIV meds aren't for Lofton and Croteau, who escaped their generation's viral genocide.They're for Bert's siblings -- Frank, 14; Tracy, 14; Wayne, 8; and Ernie, 5 -- each of whom was infected at birth.
...
With the blessing of the state of Florida, Croteau and Lofton have been parenting Bert, Frank and Tracy since they were infants.
...
Since then, Lofton and Croteau have received hundreds of letters of support. (To read more about the case, including court documents, or to contact Florida officials with your own opinion, visit http://www.lethimstay.com/).

Bert himself knows very little of the controversy swirling around him. (Lofton and Croteau agreed to talk to POZ on the condition that the children not be interviewed.) His parents have told him only that they are suing to be able to legally adopt him -- as if it were a mere matter of semantics."It's wrong to tell any child that something more powerful than us could come into our house and take him away," Lofton says firmly.And imagine if Bert could grasp the whole, surreal truth: that if he were HIV positive, the state would leave the family in peace.
...
Lofton and Croteau never set out to spearhead a gay-rights crusade.When they met 18 years ago in a California nursing school ("in Bedpan 101," Lofton says), playing Mother Goose was the last thing on their minds.The couple moved in the mid-'80s to the gay resort of South Beach, Florida."We were typical homos," recalls Croteau, the family breadwinner, who still puts in long hours as a nurse in pediatric immunology at Oregon Health and Science University."Both working.Disposable income.
...
"If you have a baby die in your arms, you realize that life's too short not to do something," Croteau says.
...
Lofton and Croteau have also had to deal with the problems and prejudice that come with being such an "alternative" family.Once on a school field trip, Lofton handed Frank his syringe to take his AZT.Witnessing this, another parent freaked out, withdrew her child from the school and began stirring up trouble.
...
They dressed up and had all their wigs and all their dolls," Croteau says.Ginger's death made her survivors' sense of mortality all too sharp.
...
"Bert sometimes felt a little odd, especially at medication time," Croteau says.
...
"He's mature for 14," Croteau says.
...
"Tracy had been brought to the hospital many times for different illnesses, and no one would visit," Croteau says.Today, Tracy is in seventh grade and "high maintenance," he says."She's somewhat moody.She has a learning disability.The other side is, she's got a great personality and a lot of friends."

Four years ago, the family left Florida for Portland to be near Lofton's parents.Croteau changed jobs, while Lofton continued as an overtime parent.
...
Ernie is now a high-energy 5, "one of the most talkative kids we've had," Croteau says.Towheaded Wayne, in second grade, is reading at a fourth-grade level.But Wayne has also been the couple's most challenging child, because he's the only one they've brought home when he wasn't a baby.
...
"She comes to Roger for parenting advice and to discuss behavioral issues.
...
We're not going to give him up because of some legislative act based on bigotry," Croteau says flatly.

For one, Bert and his siblings have two daddies -- Lofton and Roger Croteau, gay men in their mid-40s who have been together since 1984.And when the neighbors dropped by recently, they didn't want to borrow a cup of sugar."They needed some Norvir," Lofton says.But the HIV meds aren't for Lofton and Croteau, who escaped their generation's viral genocide.They're for Bert's siblings -- Frank, 14; Tracy, 14; Wayne, 8; and Ernie, 5 -- each of whom was infected at birth."We've been through it all -- hospitalizations, research protocols," Lofton says with a typically laid-back laugh."We've had to readjust their medications.But everyone is doing really well right now."The happily harried couple has just come in from taking their brood swimming."If it wasn't for the fact that we can't adopt, I just don't think we're real newsworthy.We're just trying to raise a family."
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With the blessing of the state of Florida, Croteau and Lofton have been parenting Bert, Frank and Tracy since they were infants.Now the state's Department of Children and Families (DCF) is trying to take Bert away.

Born with his mom's HIV antibodies, Bert cleared them at 18 months and then tested negative.When he was 5, DCF officials happened to notice not only that he was thriving in the Lofton-Croteau household but that he had "sero-reverted" -- and they immediately reclassified him as "adoptable."But the two men, who have cared for Bert since he was 9 weeks old, can't adopt him because Florida bars gay men and lesbians from doing so.The Sunshine State passed the law 25 years ago, during Anita Bryant's homophobic "Save the Children" campaign. (While Utah and Mississippi are the only other two states to have a similar law on the books, every few years the Christian right in almost every state sponsors such a ballot initiative.
...
Since then, Lofton and Croteau have received hundreds of letters of support. (To read more about the case, including court documents, or to contact Florida officials with your own opinion, visit http://www.lethimstay.com/).

Bert himself knows very little of the controversy swirling around him. (Lofton and Croteau agreed to talk to POZ on the condition that the children not be interviewed.) His parents have told him only that they are suing to be able to legally adopt him -- as if it were a mere matter of semantics.
...
Lofton and Croteau never set out to spearhead a gay-rights crusade.When they met 18 years ago in a California nursing school ("in Bedpan 101," Lofton says), playing Mother Goose was the last thing on their minds.The couple moved in the mid-'80s to the gay resort of South Beach, Florida."We were typical homos," recalls Croteau, the family breadwinner, who still puts in long hours as a nurse in pediatric immunology at Oregon Health and Science University."Both working.Disposable income.Our biggest worry was getting time off from work."

Work was nursing infants with HIV in the AIDS ward."There were a lot of sick kids.We'd take care of them in cribs in the hall," Lofton says of the "boarder babies" either abandoned in the hospital or not allowed to go home with unfit parents."They would get well, but there was no place for them to go.
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"If you have a baby die in your arms, you realize that life's too short not to do something," Croteau says.When they first brought home Frank, Tracy, Bert and Ginger (who died in 1995 at age 6), they expected the deal to be short term.
...
Lofton and Croteau have also had to deal with the problems and prejudice that come with being such an "alternative" family.Once on a school field trip, Lofton handed Frank his syringe to take his AZT.Witnessing this, another parent freaked out, withdrew her child from the school and began stirring up trouble.In response, Lofton organized a meeting of the school's Parent Teacher Student Association."The health department came and talked about AIDS.It was a perfect opportunity for us to educate," Lofton says.

But it was the death of the frail Ginger that was most devastating.Tracy, her older sister, took it the hardest.
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They dressed up and had all their wigs and all their dolls," Croteau says.Ginger's death made her survivors' sense of mortality all too sharp."It took a lot of reassurance that they were feeling good and weren't going to the doctor for anything out of the ordinary," Lofton says."We had to go on with the normal."

A vibrant, robust boy, Bert has a winning smile and an interest in dance and theater, but an outright obsession with sports -- basketball and baseball, swimming and snowboarding.He may be the middle kid, but he's not exactly the still eye of a legal hurricane.For one, he is too much of a mischief-maker, Croteau says with a laugh.
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"Bert sometimes felt a little odd, especially at medication time," Croteau says."He was like 'Why don't I have to take all those pills?' So we gave him vitamins.I don't think he feels odd anymore.I think he likes it when everyone else has to get their blood drawn -- but he doesn't have to."

His older brother, Frank, broke in the fledgling parents.He was 8 months old when his mother, dying of AIDS, entrusted him to the couple.
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"He's mature for 14," Croteau says."He loves to draw.He's written plays and acted in them.He just bought himself a bass guitar to play."

Tracy came soon after Frank.She was 12 months old, 12 pounds light and couldn't hold a bottle.
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"Tracy had been brought to the hospital many times for different illnesses, and no one would visit," Croteau says.Today, Tracy is in seventh grade and "high maintenance," he says."She's somewhat moody.She has a learning disability.The other side is, she's got a great personality and a lot of friends."

Four years ago, the family left Florida for Portland to be near Lofton's parents.Croteau changed jobs, while Lofton continued as an overtime parent.A year after moving, Oregon foster-care officials asked if they would open their house to two more neglected HIVers -- brothers Wayne and Ernie, then 5 and 2."They were undersized and emotionally delayed," Lofton says."They had gastrostomy tubes in their stomach for their meds."

When they showed up, Bert, who is Hispanic, was caught off guard. (Frank and Tracy are African American.) "He said, 'You didn't tell me they were white.' We had never thought about mentioning race.It was never an issue," Lofton recalls.
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Ernie is now a high-energy 5, "one of the most talkative kids we've had," Croteau says.Towheaded Wayne, in second grade, is reading at a fourth-grade level.But Wayne has also been the couple's most challenging child, because he's the only one they've brought home when he wasn't a baby."Wayne has problems with trust," Lofton says simply.

But given this family's track record, Wayne will undoubtedly come around.
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"She comes to Roger for parenting advice and to discuss behavioral issues.He knows how to do it.Tell that to some judge."

Lofton and Croteau plan to, even if they have to take their case all the way to the Supreme Court.Meanwhile, despite Florida's efforts to place its foster children in permanent homes with all due speed, some 3,400 still wait.The ACLU argues that by denying gay men and lesbians the right to adopt, the state is not only discriminating against them but exacerbating its problem by depriving these kids of loving families.
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We're not going to give him up because of some legislative act based on bigotry," Croteau says flatly."This case isn't about gay rights.It's more about children's rights.If we can get this law overturned and get one more child in a home, then it's well worth the fight."

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