Chen Chen This is Me

 Web References

1. 1. Revenge is best served….corny? at Pandagon

   pandagon.net/2006/08/30/reveng - [Cached]

   Published on: 1/1/2006   Last Visited: 11/4/2006

   Men have outside interests like sports that distract them from marriage, and in retaliation, women's life outside of marriage is about….fantasy marriage.
   
   This game was apparently created by a woman as a way to give men a taste of what women supposedly suffer from husbands who play fantasy football. This perplexes me, though I've never been married. I have, however, lived with men who have time-sucking hobbies and I have a time-sucking hobby, so I'm generally a fan of them. What happens inside marriages is often a mystery to outsiders and it's hard to tell if women who complain of being sports widows are actually getting too little of their husbands' attention or if they're just (rightfully) bitter because they dedicate so much time and energy to a man who doesn't return but a fraction of it. If it's the latter, I applaud all attempts by women to think outside the box and devote more of their time and energies to hobbies so they have another source of joy besides male attention. This, however, seems to be a cop-out from actually doing that because all you're doing is creating a fantasy husband to devote time and energy to, which defeats the "having non-husband interests" point.
   
   That said, I was amused by this letter to the editor of the Tallahassee Democrat that protested Fantasy Husband not because of feminist reasons but because Fantasy Husband takes from a woman's time that she should supposedly be dedicating to her real husband.
   
   Men fantasize about a woman who wants them physically, while women desire a man who is romantic and meets their emotional needs. Adultery begins when men or women seek to satisfy these desires outside the covenant of marriage. Men have a common saying: "It doesn't hurt to look as long as I don't touch."
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   I have a funny feeling the letter-writer didn't leave out the time-suck that is being a sports fan for no reason. I'm also skeptical that she writes letters day and night protesting the ubiquitious fantasy women for men that decorate every TV show, billboard, magazine cover, etc. She'd never get any sleep if she was actually being fair, since she'd have to start with letters begging TV networks to get rid of sitcoms where super-hot, skinny, ever-patient women are married to irritating slobs to begging grocery stores to take down women's magazines that scream out advice to real life women on how to become fantasies. (Not possible, by the way.) She gives lip service to the idea that fantasy naked women are an issue, but the begging is only aimed at removing the fantasy men.
   
   So maybe, in a weird way, this website is a blow for equality. Women have to be bombarded with messages day in and day out about how inadequate we are compared to an ever more impossible fantasy version of womanhood, so it can't hurt for men to get a taste of what that must feel like. (A tiny, bland taste, but if you're not used to it, I bet it burns.) I definitely have mixed feelings about it, but this sort of thing seems to be gaining ground. The Brawny company, which is an early innovator in the "fantasy male" genre, now seems to be sponsoring a reality TV show where men are taken to a husband boot camp of sorts to be better husbands. Same idea, but in this case, it's actual living men who get to experience a taste of the mortifications that attend womanhood.
   
   Naturally, I'd prefer the ideal solution where women felt less pressure, not that men felt more.
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   Brawny is the only paper towels I buy!
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   I'm not going to commit adultery in my heart with the paper-towel man.
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   People are honestly shocked when I tell them that I don't devote 100% of my waking life to my husband.
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   We both have our own hobbies, and we both are 'net junkies, so we spend a fair amount of time sitting at our computers - which are in separate rooms, even! - doing Stuff.
   
   While I was doing my residency on the other side of the country, he stayed here with his job, and people would tell me, "oh, it must be so hard." No, not really. Sure, that whole going to bed alone after having had a partner for 6 years was hard at first, and I was lonely because people in that town are unfriendly and there was not a bloody thing to do. But we chatted on AIM every night, sent emails, used livejournal, and talked on our free mobile-to-mobile phone plan. IT was just so hard for people to understand that my life doesn't revolve around my husband.
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   At least that's how I imagine him.
   
   6 TikiHead Aug 30th, 2006 at 8:13 pm
   
   Oops, image = imagine. Darn it.
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   TikiHead: I hadn't thought of that.
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   I have never understood women who complain about football widowhood. I can't wait for football season. It's wonderful that he has his own time-suck while I am doing my own thing.
   
   10 Nancy Aug 30th, 2006 at 8:41 pm
   
   Brawny dude doesn't do anything for me. But I admit I have a thing for Johnny Bravo.
   
   11 Amanda Marcotte Aug 30th, 2006 at 8:41 pm
   
   In all honesty, I think what sucks about football widowhood is two things: 1) Just because he's ignoring you doesn't mean you're allowed to ignore him. Most football "widows" I knew back home still had to have the food coming, you know? So it's not like you get to do your own thing-which is why I bet this website broke up this woman's marriage, because it was precisely the distraction women aren't supposed to have.
   ...
   Interesting that the fantasy is always about other men, regardless of gender. I'm a big sports fan, but I personally find fantasy sports to be pretty dull.
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   Well, I used to be a baseball fan, until my only team turned out to be a bunch of bigots, but I like reading a whole lot more than TV now, so it's become secondary.
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   But his paper towels are the shit! (I'm not a shill for Brawny.
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   Adultery begins when men or women seek to satisfy these desires outside the covenant of marriage.
   
   Gee, you know, I just woke up one day and said to myself "you know, I really think it's time for some adultery.
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   I wonder how I can fit one of those craigslist casuals into my busy schedule.". Right. And here I thought adultery was something that was the result of NOT thinking ahead, more a happenstance of circumstance.
   
   I think these women have been listening to that stoopidass pina colada song from the 70s or something.
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   I grew up in the northwest and damn he looked real.
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   HF, please note the 'while' in your sentence. It's not as though these guys are happily nodding to the wife as she goes off to her favorite bridge game while he's watching TV. No, she's still doing Woman's Burden, with some extra added on when the guys come over to participate in the hobby.
   
   21 Meg Thornton Aug 30th, 2006 at 10:51 pm
   
   I'm the sports fan in our household (in that I actually know the difference between AFL and rugby, and have a definite preference for a favourite team).
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   I grew up in a household with a father who was a reasonably dedicated fan of TV sport, and would therefore have the telly tuned to the cricket all summer (this is .au). I'm used to the notion of the bloke of the house having a good strong time-sink of a hobby.
   
   What seems to make other people's heads turn is that I participate in the family tradition of the sheila of the household having an equally strong time-sink. I know enough about AFL and cricket to be able to understand the sports news, but if Dad was watching the cricket, Mum was reading a book, or out in the garden.
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   I pay a vagueish amount of attention to what Himself is doing, and he pays a vagueish amount of attention to what I'm doing - enough that we can understand what the other is blattering on about while we tune out.
   
   Providing food? That's what the fridge is for, ditto the pantry. He knows where both of those are, and he's blessed with four fully functional limbs. He can get it himself.
   
   22 JackGoff Aug 30th, 2006 at 10:53 pm
   
   The Brawny guy…is…so gay.
   
   I'm hoping this isn't meant as a dig on gay people.
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   I'm a huge football fan, have been since childhood-and yes, I play fantasy football. Fantasy football is NOT, however, a "time sucking hobby." If I spend one hour looking at my team and arranging it for the week that's a lot, and that's true for the majority of people I know who play. Last year I attended a Super Bowl party at a friend's house; the only people I knew were my friend and her now-husband. The rest were married couples. Come game time, all the guys were in front of the TV … and all the women were downstairs, including my friend. By the curious stares I got, it became apparent that this did not compute with the men. One of them proceeded to interrogate me about rules and colleges the players atte