Ms. Singer Paula Abdul This is Me

Education

 Web References

1. 1. Paula's Battle with Bulimia

   www.paula-abdul.net/News/Archi - [Cached]

   Published on: 6/19/1995   Last Visited: 8/9/2001

   Abstract : Singer Abdul confessed to having. had bulimia for about 17 years on a television. interview. She had always viewed herself as. too short and overweight , and described her. eating disorder as self-punishment. She. confronted her problem through psychiatric. therapy
   
   Pop singer Paula Abdul recently revealed that. she has had a battle with bulimia for most of her. life. During an interview on the ABC-TV news show PrimeTime Live , she revealed that she.
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   Abdul said she was very much a perfectionist as. a child and wanted to make everything perfect.. She described herself as an overachiever and in. high school was class president , a top honor. student and head cheerleader. She had it all , but. she has always thought she was too short and. overweight
   
   Ms. Abdul described the eating disorder as. a violent punishment you put on yourself..
   
   Ironically , the 5-foot-2 singer-dancer- choreographer has always weighed. between 105 and 110. Battling bulimia has been.
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   Abstract : Singer Paula Abdul received treatment. for an eating disorder in 1994 , ended her marriage.
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   In fact , Abdul doesn't give a hoot if the world knows. her puppy's secret. Secrecy , she says , laughing. What is that?. For Abdul , 32 , secrecy has at times been. a way of sustaining pain. Six years have passed since the. former L.A. Laker Girl burst onto the music scene with Forever Your Girl , a debut album that sold 12 million. copies , produced four chart-topping singles and turned. her into a star overnight. Since then , Abdul has experienced. other highs : an Emmy for choreographing The Tracey Ullman Show , a Grammy for her Opposites Attract video , her 1992.
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   Abdul as deeply as the secret she has , until now , kept from. almost everyone : her 15-year battle with bulimia
   
   I'd starve myself , then binge , then purge , says the 5'2 ,. 105-lb. singer , wincing at the memory. Whether I was. sticking my head in the toilet or exercising for hours a
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   all the stuff I was afraid to face , says Abdul , and put it in. my music.
   
   What happened after Abdul hit her peak is something she. is still struggling to understand. The confidence I had. when I was just plain anonymous Paula eroded , she says. Suddenly being Paula Abdul was not a very comfortable. place to be..
   
   In truth , it never was. For Abdul , who was raised in Van Nuys ,. Calif. , the tough times started when she was 7 and her sense. of home and family was shaken by divorce. Her father ,. Harry , now 62 , the owner of a water-bottling company , moved more than 200 miles away to Northern California. Her mother , Lorraine , a onetime classical pianist , moved with Paula and her sister Wendy , now 39 and a homemaker , to a condo in the San Fernando Valley community of North Hollywood.
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   I didn't understand it , says Abdul of. the split. My mother did a great job of being there , and I saw. my dad on weekends. But it was hard..
   
   As a way of coping with the changes , Abdul lost herself in old.
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   instructor used Abdul as an example in a discussion on anatomical. variations. She pointed out that my body was different , says Abdul. I had such a feeling of shame. From then on I never felt right..
   
   When she was 15 , she received a scholarship to a dance camp near. Palm Springs. There , in addition to training in ballet and modern.
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   They were all throwing up their food , says Abdul.
   
   Shocked , she phoned her mother. That's not normal , Lorraine told her. Don't do that.. Abdul didn't -- for a couple of years. As a student at. Van Nuys High School , she reached her full height -- all of 62 inches. -- and weight : between 100 and 110 lbs. When she hit the higher end ,. she ate only salads and drank only diet soda. A pound or two on a. shorter person , she has said , is very different from what it is on a taller. person.. Her parents assured her she looked fine. It didn't matter ; when. she looked in the mirror , she saw someone fat.
   
   One night when she was 16 , after eating Mexican food with her cheerleading. squad , she went home and did what so many of her friends had long done : she. stuck her finger down her throat. No one thought it was bad , says Abdul. Once I tried it , I felt it was an amazing way to control my weight..
   
   By the time she enrolled at Cal State Northridge in 1981 with the intention. of becoming a sportscaster , she was deep in the frenzy of a bulimic eating. disorder. Either she binged and purged or spent up to 4 hours a day sweating. off the calories she had consumed.
   
   Her disorder , though , never got in the way of her drive. During her freshman. year at Cal State , Abdul tried out for the Lakers cheerleading team. The. judges selected her from a pool of some 700 , and within three weeks she was. the squad's choreographer. She quit school six months later , but her career. took flight. Abdul's high-energy , street-funk style delighted fans --. including the Jackson family , who saw her at a game and hired the 20-year-old. to choreograph a video for their 1984 Victory album.
   
   Soon she gave up her Lakers gig for a life of creating dance routines for.
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   My biggest claim to fame , the actor told Abdul after she mapped. out the famous dance number he performed on a giant keyboard , is that you. once choreographed me..
   
   In 1987 she used $35 , 000 in savings to put together a demo of herself singing. Though her voice was untrained , her moves were magnificent , and in an. MTV-driven business , she proved highly marketable. Virgin Records signed her. the same year ; by 1989 her singles Straight Up , Forever Your Girl and Cold Hearted had all reached No. 1 on the pop charts. It was a magical. experience , says Abdul. It was also more pressure than she had bargained for. I remember , at a rehearsal for a TV show , I couldn't stay focused , Abdul. says. I felt nervous and out of control , and all I could think about was. food. Food numbed the fear and anxiety. I'd eat , then run to the bathroom..
   
   Abdul put on a stoic face when , in April 1991 , Forever Your Girl backup singer
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   not named in the suit , Abdul took the charge as a personal affront. Both she. and Virgin vehemently denied any wrongdoing. I do not profess to be any. Aretha Franklin . . . but that is my voice , Abdul told the Los Angeles Times. Privately , though , she was deeply embarrassed. For her , the mere suggestion of. fraud tainted the release of Spellbound -- which nevertheless went on to sell. 6 million copies. People in every city asked , `Are you singing live. Is that. really you?' she remembers.
   
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   Suddenly , Abdul was seeing a man whom , until the. spring of 1991 , she had known mostly by telephone : Emilio Estevez , then 29. Before him , Abdul's only other serious romance had been with Full House star.
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   relationships ended , as Abdul told the Chicago Tribune , for the same old. reason : I'm very career oriented. . . . The guys I was with didn't understand. that.
   
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   he would send flowers or letters to every city I was in , says Abdul. We. would have phone conversations and visit every few weekends. We thought. everything was perfect..
   
   Some six months after their first date , Abdul flew to see Estevez in.
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   you , ' recalls Abdul. I just melted..
   
   The two were married in a Santa Monica courtroom in 1992. At first their life. together was as charmed as their courtship. They spent weekdays in her hilltop. home , weekends in his Malibu Beach house , took hikes in the Santa Monica. Mountains and went to movies together.
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   Abdul opened up to her husband about. her deepest fears and her most private problems. A member of Overeaters. Anonymous since 1989 , Abdul attended meetings three times a week with her. husband's support. He wanted what was best for me , she says.
   
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   It was when Abdul wanted to get on with her life , she says , that she realized. there was a problem in her marriage : children. Before they married , says. Abdul , I let [ Emilio ] know that I was very interested in having children..
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   After many tear-filled but , Abdul says , civilized talks , the couple filed for. divorce in May 1994. Abdul took the split hard. She couldn't concentrate , and. for a while she couldn't eat. Then she couldn't not eat. I was so sad , I just.