, shares her
To listen to Pamela Madison of the Santa Barbara Women’s Sexuality Center, there are now more resources about women’s sexuality than ever before, including women-oriented adult bookstores, all-girl sex courses, websites offering creatively designed toys, and books by the dozen.
"Sex isn’t something you do," Pamela
says, "it is a way of being.
She’s a practitioner and teacher of the Hindu Tantric traditions, sex educator and healer, acupuncturist, and a pioneer in the field of female sexuality.
A native of Santa Barbara who is raising her
fourteen-year-old son here, she
founded the Women’s Sexuality Center in 1994.
Raised a devout Mormon, as an adult she
found fear and shame kept her
from enjoying sex.
Energetic and exuberant with a waterfall of dark hair, Pamela
embraced the quest for sexual confidence and satisfaction as whole-heartedly as she
had embraced religious life.
bought every sex book she
could find, but a book on Tantric sex she
found in the now-closed Earthling Bookstore clicked for her
"Many of us have had a sexual experience unlike any other, one that took us to the heights of passion and the depths of our core," she
has made it her
life work to teach others how to make extended pleasure and ecstasy a part of everyday life.
workshops on sexual empowerment and the sacredness of sex resonate with women of all ages and backgrounds.
Going to the G-spot and beyond, she
helps women experience their own sexuality in seminars containing no nudity or sexually explicit activity.
"In Tantra, there is no goal of orgasm," Pamela
says during a class session.
is teaching us how to move our kundalini, or sexual energy, through the chakras, the seven psychic energy centers running up the spine.
"There is a huge amount of shame, fear and prejudice surrounding anal sex in our culture," notes Pamela
But biologically, the fact is irrefutable: there are thousands of nerve endings in this area.
Gay men know it, as did the tantricas.
"[The anus] is the base chakra, the seat of power" says Pamela
, who dedicates an evening class to this subject.
"Anal sex can offer intense pleasure for women.
Some women prefer their sacred spot stimulated through anal contact, and it can be a wonderful source of pleasure for women who find vaginal stimulation uncomfortable or painful.
An understanding, patient partner and plenty of lubrication are key.
suggests using a baby bottle warmer to keep the bottles of "lubes" nice and warm.
The mothers in the room laugh uproariously, one exclaiming, "Had I only known!"
Women also don’t talk much about masturbation, or self-pleasuring, as Pamela
suggests exploring the base chakra alone first, if need be, and displays a number of anal stimulators, humorously referred to as "butt plugs.
"I bridge between modern psychotherapy and true body healing," Pamela
But running outta gas is another issue altogether.
"Your libido can’t get lost, but it can go to sleep," Pamela notes.
"What I do is try to find a way to wake it up."
has identified seven keys for women to increase orgasmic energy, a godsend for those with low libido.
is writing a book, which includes these practices and exercises culled from her
twenty years of work.
Where to start?
In the bedroom, of course.
Transform it into a romantic space by removing or hiding computers and TVs, and replacing them with fresh flowers, luscious plants, scented candles and other mood-makers.
"Create an altar with your partner to remind you that this is a space for sacred play, sexual union, and even healing," suggests Pamela
Back in class the following week, Pamela
"The power of a woman’s sexuality is a birthright," she
"We’ve had no good role models, but we are the generation that is going to break through and reach for more potential."
Though men have more physical strength and energy, women actually take the lead in sexual energy, she
Copyright ©2007-2015 Pamela Madison